Why I was on Hiatus for so long

Note: There is "woo" in here, so if you rainbow barf at terms like 'Spirit' or 'Reiki', please consider the content of this blog before reading it. 

The Original Blog Entry (and access to other such 'woo' blogs is here: healingwithstephanie.blogspot.… ) 


It's June 2014, and I'm living with my partner, .

It was June 2012, and I wasn't living with ReuterWorld, I was living with a person named X (name removed). I had gotten the room 2 1/2 years earlier, through a mutual friend. It was because of this that I was able to live in Seattle on limited income.

When I had met Reuter (In June 2010), something 'clicked' in my brain, I felt a 'ping'. Kind of like how you discover a secret/important thing in one of those Role playing, dungeon smashing games - of which I have a fondness for. We continued to see each other ever since. We're now going on 4 years in our relationship.

Between June 2012, when the Cafe Racer incident happened, and April 2013, when major uncontrolled life changes happened; I was struggling with who I was. I was a medical marijuana patient, I was on a handful of pills, I had therapy appointments almost every week. I was lost in the mental health system, and i desperately wanted my autonomy from that back.

In April 2012, I was admitted to a hospital, involuntarily for overdose, and just crazy erratic behavior. I believe that is when my awakening process started. I had been in the hospital before, but this was different, this wasn't just 'dramatic', this was very much an emergency for intervention beyond what I had previously experienced.

It was after the Cafe Racer incident that I began to hear voices, and see things. Not just mental impressions one gets from reading and looking their clairvoyance, but I was seeing.. things as if they were in physical reality. I did research on some things, and began to follow what the voices were telling me. It was of a spiritual nature. At first, they weren't voices that told me to do things, or told me to die. They were comforting at first. It was later, after discovering I had a knack for channeling/automatic drawing, that they became more invasive.

October of 2012, I heard voices nonstop, and I completely taken over at times by other energies. I began seeing an intern who specialized in trauma, and dissasociative disorders. None of her techniques and tricks for how she dealt with trauma and dissaosication herself worked for me. The only thing that seemed to work for me was what I was learning at a place called Psychic Awakenings.

Psychic Awakenings taught me things that I use every day. The teachers/fellow healers there taught me how to navigate my own subconscious, my own mind, and connect with my energy (my spirit). I found clairvoyant reading and energy healing (Reiki, Crystals, etc) very effective in treating my 'mental illnesses'.

Before I began to hear voices and channel, I didn't realize that a person could feel things as though they were very solid, or feel them as though they, themselves were paper thin, and light as a feather! I have had so many different experiences, that ring as real to me, as feeling a rock is real to another person.

In April 2013, I was having major difficulties with maintaining myself, and I had just completed Healing I & II. My first healing master came from another clairvoyant student. At this time, X had some issues come about, which wasn't surprising, given my knowing at the time, but I ignored it. I didn't understand why I felt like I couldn't entirely trust him. X was visited by detectives one morning, and it soon became apparent that he had violated his parole, and would be sent to jail. This required me to move, and in June of 2013, I moved to a place, a very nice place. It didn't work out however. So it was in August of 2013 that i moved in with Reuter, and his mother.

During that time, I had all sorts of issues, but what really, REALLY turned the tide for me, to gain more control back of my inner world, was the use of healing guides, and healing techniques. The validation, healing, and experiences I had at Psychic Awakenings were SO helpful in my healing progress.

It was around July of 2012 that I became entirely medication free. I had also lost a lot of weight, and was getting more excersize, and better nutrition. I was actually eating 3 times a day, instead of going one or two days without eating much at all!

My morale, emotional maturity, and stability increased! I have had very few impulses to self harm since. Recently (in 2014), I discovered that a lot of my impulses to self harm, or my sudden anger, wasn't because of the reasons I thought they were. I also learned they were entirely controllable! 

Meditation and running energy has helped me feel "OK" again. My stress tolerance levels are much greater, and I can use my clairvoyance/inner knowing to my advantage in navigating life here on earth.

It occurred to me recently, when I decided to get back on Deviantart, that I have made a full circle in healing, and am now entering the next level (like a spiral). I have made a huge shift in my energies, and I am learning to control how other energies interact with mine.
I am finding old and new friends in places I had abandoned during the last two years because of such a great need for healing. This is a good thing, because I usually feel so out of place given my lifestyle choices.

I find myself in a very strange place, but not so strange that I am uncomfortable. I am just noticing all of what I have fought so hard for, and what i have intended so strongly for since I began to explore the world of Spirit, how that has come to fruition!

I did this. I did all of this.

I am so grateful to Reuter for sticking with me through all of this. At times, it tested our relationship so much, that we nearly split a few times.

I am so grateful to the teachers and fellow healers at Psychic Awakenings for being understanding. Most of them come from a place where they are trying to open up and experience their inherit abilities as Spirit. I had suddenly opened up, and needed to shed so many layers of dead skin, that I must have seemed so foreign and strange to them.

I"m finally at a place I am comfortable in, in regards to my experience in growth. I am able to look at this now from a perspective of: "What can I create now? How do I want to use my abilities?" Instead of: "I need to make this stop. I need to unplug from the foreign energy. I need to save my life."